Our life's experiences should help us grow as individuals, However, because we don't come with a manual for how to treat ourselves with compassion, patience and encouragement, we may use non-supporting language that limit our ability to learn from our mistakes. One researcher (Manusov) describes this damaging "inner voice" as a “less than desirable roommate who talks to us with an unceasing monologue.”. A big apology to all the super-supportive roommates out there.
But seriously, we grow accustomed to what Manusov calls the constant internal "rebuking chatter". I've done this too many times in the past, stayed on "stuck" about what I should have done in a particular instance, versus, resolving to find a different way to handle similar instances in the future. So, let's move past all this, together. I ask that you engage with me ain doing the following:
Let's promise to be better to ourselves. Let's love on ourselves when things get rough because after all, we are human. We're not God. We were not made to be an all-knowing supernatural power - let's leave that up to Her. Here's an article (Breines) that outlines four reinforcing behaviors (listed below) that can get us thinking differently before we self-deprecate to a point of dysfunction:
1. Criticize specific, changeable behaviors, not global, unchangeable attributes.
2. Criticize external circumstances, but then try to change them.
3. Shift your focus from yourself to others (i.e., how your actions affect other people...whew, this one's for me)
4. Practice self-compassionate self-criticism.
References:
Manusov, V. (2011), September Vol 47 Issue 3, page 16). Being Civil With Ourselves. Read article courtesy of your local library.
Breines, J. (2014, April 9). Four Ways to Constructively Criticize Yourself. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_to_constructively_criticize_yourself
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